Writings of someone who is NOT a bubblehead

This is a conversation I had with a friend of mine recently.

Me: gambar u ni kan, sll tukar2. Minah lain2 plak tu
Player: hahahhahahahahhahahaa! bese!
Player: sile komen
Player: im hot! tukar2 gurl
Me: ewwwwwww
Player: nk buat cmne. mmg mmpu. hahaa!
Player: klu u pasan, yg komen i..sume pompuan
Player: i menunggu komen lelaki..tk kunjung tiba
Me: sbb derang sibuk korek2 facebook u utk tgk gambar kawan2 pompuan u
Player: hahha..maybe?
Player: pastu bising2 kat i
Player: bro..sape chick tue..knal kan kat aku
Player: wadafak?
Me: standard
Me: member2 laki pon sll mcm tu
Me: tgk gambar pastu tanya "minah ni siapa?"
Player: hahahahahahhahh! tau tkper.
Player: lantak dieorg la
Player: i mmg tk layan pn
Player: nk chick carik sendri ar
Player: ingat aku sng2 ke dpt
Player: hahaha
Player: lain la muke i hot cam ashraf sinclair ker
Player: tkper gak

Do woman succumb to hot looks? Or just sweet words. In my friend's case, I think its his 'charm'.

Do the nice guys always finish last then? What do u ppl think?

Its been a while dear bloggie. I’ve had soo much on my plate. All my blogs are neglected. Oh well. Life has been rather interesting so far. I attended a course that would increased my understanding my field. Now looking for a job without much success.

Anyway, looking back at my previous omg-i-just-broke-up-boo-hoo posts, I decided to write about something that has been in my drafts for some time now – The Blogger Breakup.

Bloggers are people who like to share their lifes (this does not include those niche bloggers who blog about tech, politics or whatever else that does not include personal lives). So when they are in love, they want to share it. And share it they do, with pics and lovey dovey posts where all is right with the world and the birds are singing. Its multiplied by two if BOTH parties are bloggers. So much so that sometimes they even use the same template (yea, yours truly was included *cringe*).

So what do you do when you break up? What do you do with all those photos, those posts and those little messages and stories that you write about each other? My ex used to put as his tagline that his life was sweetened by me – he changed it soon after of course – changed his whole template in fact. And the posts and photos? Do you delete them? Do you keep them? Or do you go back and edit every phrase of “my bf/gf” to “my ex-bf/ex-gf”?

The weirdest part (for me at least) is wondering if every post after that is related to you. If the other party posts lyrics, you’d think, “is that referring to me/us/him?” when in actual fact, she just wants to share that song so that her blog will get hits (thats what I did). Then you’d have to think, “will he/she have the wrong impression about this post?”

Is it only girls who think this way? I bet some (if not all) the guys also think this way too.

What do you think? If you and your ex were bloggers, what would you do?

been a while since i’ve updated this blog. Exactly – peeks at last post – 3 weeks since my last post. Life has been rather good, albiet tiring.

My friends are in some kind of situation. Its a situation where “there’s something I dont like about your action but I don’t want/don’t know how/not sure if I should tell it to you face”. Geddit? As of now, it has just started and I’m kinda stuck in the middle. We’ll see how it plays out

There’s this friend of mine that I have been was going out with regularly. The usual – movie, makan and occasional sleepovers (twice now to be exact). I was starting to feel as if he was getting too attached, calling our outings “dates” and texting a lot every day. Or am I afraid that I’m using him as a substitute – as a way to fill my boredom?

I try not to.

But it does seem that way. I mean, its nice to have someone to accompany you for dinner and cuddle during movies but when he tries to hold my hand, i flinch. But I do it anyway, because he likes it (and it also feels weird if he keeps trying to hold my hand and i keep pushing it away. lol).

Notice that i mentioned “WAS” in the 3rd paragraph above. Well, I kind of cut down communication with him since last Saturday. Stopped texting him unless he texted me first. I don’t like to be accused of using people. Plus, he has a girlfriend. I think. I mean, what guy spends time almost every 2 days with someone else if he has a gf already? Men. *rolls eyes*

Internet was down last week. This week, I dont hv a car because someone rammed my bumper last saturday. I cringe at the thought of what’s comming up next week

Been a while since I posted here, yes? I’m tired today. Went outstation on Friday night for a friend’s wedding, got lost on the way, stayed up all night talking, woke up in the afternoon, got all dolled up for the kenduri then drove back.

You know when your body’s so tired but you can’t sleep? I usually text my friends but apparently everyone is out of reach today. Oh well, its the weekend and everyone’s out partying or lepaking i suppose. Well actually I did get invited for a clubbing session but I’m just too tired.

Tired tired.

And after 2-3 mths of not thinking about him, suddenly i miss him :(

He posted this on his blog today. I’m pretty sure its for me. Needless to say, I melted into tears

And this is day 9

We broke up on Sunday. It was a mutual thing. This is the first time that I got myself into a serious relationship. We lasted 6 months. I guess we were kind of ‘doomed’ from the start considering that we have different religious backgrounds. We both knew something like this would happen, just not so fast.

He’s a 27 yr old first son in his family and a Muslim. Last week his dad quarreled with him about his life. About how he has to take control of his life. He’s earning a good salary but can’t manage his finances well. He’s staying with his sister who is married with 2 kids with one more on the way who takes care of his laundry and meals. His dad told him to get a grip on his life and get married or else he (his dad) will disown him. I can’t marry him coz I’m not a Muslim and my parents will disown me if I convert. Besides, he would want me to convert because I’m interested in the faith, not because I want to marry him.

I kinda expected his parents to push him to getting married but I didn’t expect it to be this year. I was expecting more like next year when we would have settled down into something more comfortable where perhaps it might be easier to go our separate ways. Not now, 6 mths into the relationship, where we’re still crazy about each other. Not now, so suddenly and out of the blue. Not now when we had made plans to meet after my exams on Monday.

Worst thing is, we broke it off cold turkey. I can’t contact him anymore. Not even for one last meeting. He said we might meet, but I highly doubt that.

I hate feeling like this.

And this is day two

Humans are creatures of habit. This morning I woke up and instantly reached for my phone. And with a half opened eye, peeked to see if he texted me this morning. Upon finding no text, I remembered that we broke it off yesterday.

And I dissolved to tears.

This is the first morning

Is it evil of me to gloat when I find out my friend quarreled with his gf and their relationship is on the rocks now? Ah, a bit of background info first.

This 'friend' of mine is a guy who was well-known as a playboy and I (was unfortunately and naively) also dragged into the delusion that he likes me. He played along, asking me out everyday, doing sweet things and finally when I was going to take it to the next level, he rejected me point blank. The bad thing was, he told our other guy friends about it. And the worst, he still makes rather degrading (sometimes pervy) remarks like calling me a "budak tembam yg sombong" until now. That was my first and last foray into falling within the same clique.

Anyway, he quarreled with the gf because apparently her (male) colleague calls/sms her often and he doesn't like that. He feels threatened because she is a pretty girl with good style sense that men like to look at. Do I see guilt in his actions? Perhaps he regrets the time that he played around with girls and is worried that now that he has a gf, his gf might fall prey to other guys?

Now he calls me and my other gal friends often asking to go out because he feels lonely. Oh, where was he when we wanted to go out and he just got together with his current gf? MIA of course. So sorry boy, but we have our own lives too...

... the mice come out to play.

My parents aren't around again this week. Last week they were outstation from Sunday till Thursday. My sister is always looking for every opportunity to bring her bf over to the house, even when my mom is out for a few hours. I seldom bring my bf home but he was on medical leave so he did stay a few days at my hse too.

My parents left for another trip outstation early this morning at 9am. Less than 6 hours later, my sister's bf was already in the house. Making it like his own place, walking around topless.

I absolutely hate it when she doesn't even inform me that he's around because I usually like to walk around without a bra and a thin tshirt. Been telling her so many times but she doesn't even bother to respect me.

*sigh*

Changed my theme. Sorry haven't really been updating. Have been so busy with school work. Will write more when I'm free

I always thought of myself as a strong independent person. Never needing to lean on a man. Not needing to check up on him all the time and wait for calls/sms.

The past two weeks has been hard on me. Especially the past few days. Its from like calling 3-4 times a day and texting almost non-stop to hardly even 1 sms a day. Worst of all, I'm on holiday.

I don't blame  him for it tho. He told me earlier about it and I accepted it. Promised I wouldn't leave him with the excuse that his job takes over his life - like all his previous exes did. That's his deepest fear, until now.

I realize now that I'm a needy person. That I need my hugs and kisses. I need the "how are u today baby?" I need to hear my phone ringing. I realize now, Im really in love.

Ah, we've passed the three month mark (12th this month), more than halfway there. Why do I say that? Well because I never had a relationship that lasted more than 4 months. I know, sad right? Most of the time its because I'm too independent and many men can't accept that.

Weird tho this time we didn't even acknowledge it. So unlike the past 2 mths. I guess we both forgot. I know I did, and I'm sure so did he.

Before we got together, he did warn me about his weird and very busy working hours. But I've only started to feel it especially true this past week.

We would email, call and text many times a day. He'll wake me up with a morning call when he gets in the office. But that has stopped since 2 weeks ago. We would update each other about everything, from what he ate during his tea breaks and what I would wear to collage.

This week it's been different. I'm not saying its a bad thing. I really need my own space too. But it just feels weird. I guess after doing something for 3 months daily, it has become somewhat of a habit.

But no matter, I'm starting to get used to his working times. Weird but there are ways to work around it. Besides, I really should start working on my own projects which will also keep me busy.

Ah..feeling so bloody lazy (what's new eh?)

i've lost my drive for life. Been slacking for two weeks now. Sigh. Keep feeling sleepy. Wanting to curl up in my bed and just sleep.

Feeling rather antisocial as well. Im sure my friends are all chalking it up to the fact that I have a bf now. I dunno, i just don't have the energy or the will to get dressed up and go out. Because going out means we have to entertain and make small talk and laugh at things that are not funny and endure other people's characters.

Not to say that my character is the best ever, but there are some people who know that their actions irritate me and yet purposely do the same thing, just because its fun. Yea, sounds utterly stupid right? Dont understand me? Here's some examples.

:: Case Study 1 ::
This guy is really blur and sometimes ask a lot of questions. That I dont mind. But he asks me really stupid questions - things that he actually already knows. And then I have to explain it bit by bit. And when I say, if you already know, then why do you ask? His answer, "Cause i like to see u frustrated and trying to explain to me."

:: Case Study 2 ::
I used to like this guy, but then after I found out what a player he was and that he couldn't keep his mouth shut and told our friends that I liked him, I distanced myself away from him. Now he always makes derogatory (negative) remarks like mentioning about my weight, about how are my exbf (implying that I have a lot of guys) and so many other things.

Sometimes i just dont understand why some people act so weirdly.

We had a kind of fight yesterday. Miscommunication. Saying the wrong things at the wrong time. He never realized he hurt me with what he said. The pang of despair my heart felt. It spoiled the mood for me. We did have a good talk about it after and cleared the air.

Sidenote : I had a glimpse of what I would feel like if I were to lose him. And it felt really heart breaking :(

I'm not really sure if what I did was right or not. I brought up a topic in this forum I'm active in because I felt that things were getting rather out of hand. After posting it, I was worried about all the reactions that I was about to get.

It did sort of cause conflict. When you have a big community with so many different age groups and backgrounds, there's bound to have different opinions. On the most part tho, some people agreed with what i said, a few disagreed.

All in all I think (hope) it was an eyeopener and that something can be done to better the situation. And i learned that I have to be confident enough in myself and my stand. Oh, and also that I have support from my frens :D

This is my second blog. My main blog is http://me.zestful.org

I just thought I needed more space to ramble and scribble. The other blog is adfree but some of the posts are sponsored. Im not too sure how my readers feel about that. I try not to write something that totally looks like an ad. Usually I'll give some input on how it is related to my life.

More later..need to clear my table. Its a mess!